(→Step 7 - You, Too, Are Gay)
m (Removed protection from "Joining GoonWaffe 101": Publicly viewable page: temporary unprotect for edits)
This guide will help you complete the process to join GoonWaffe.
If you have a valid Something Awful account, then complete steps 1, 2, 3a, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 and 10.
If you are being sponsored, complete steps 1, 2, 3b, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 and 10.
If you have any problems during the process, note the step you were at and ask for help in the in-game channel GS_Help.
If you'd prefer out of game assistance please email email@example.com  with a detailed description of the problem. Please include your Goonfleet.com forums account name as well as your SomethingAwful account name and/or sponsor if applicable.
GoonWaffe is NOT a publicly recruiting corporation. We are all members of the Something Awful forums, or well-known friends of someone who is a member. To join GoonWaffe you MUST be a member of the Something Awful forums and have been an active poster for at least 3 months (this means you frequently post on SomethingAwful.com not that you just have an account). If you consider yourself a "lurker" we do not want you, go away. Your alternative is that you must have a sponsor who is a GoonWaffe member of good standing who is willing to vouch for you, meets the above requirement, and has been a member of GoonWaffe for 30 days. If you do not meet the above requirements then you can not join.
Here is a quick and easy guide to sponsoring.
This page will generate a code for you to give to the player you want to sponsor:
Give this code to your sponsoree.
To view the players you have sponsored, visit https://auth.goonfleet.com/newbies/sponsorships/
Here you will see a list of people you are sponsoring, plus a text link that will let you generate additional sponsorship keys:
1. You have more than one forums account. If you have a working forums account and attempt to make another one you are gay and I hate you and kill yourself.
2. If you think you are going to burn your 3 month SA period in TEST while you wait to apply for Waffe. Get out.
3. If you are sponsoring somebody into Waffe when you yourself are less than 30 days old.
4. If you PM or otherwise harass an auth director about getting your character in.
5. If you attempt to ask an auth director why your app was rejected without reading the following giant block of words at least 10 times. 6. If you think you get to re-apply after x amount of time if you fail to get in due to a non qualified SA account.
Hi I would like to take this brief moment to make a short announcement. As some of you may remember in the past you have had issues with your forums account and things that I couldn't help you with and would need to be sent up to Our Lord and Saviour Solo Drakban. This evening he has seen fit to give me the ability to unfuck most of you on the fly.
As of right now all issues with the auth system are to be addressed via e-mail to firstname.lastname@example.org. You are under no circumstances to PM Solo with anything auth related directly. We will make the call as to whether or not it requires Solo's attention.
Fucked up sponsorship? Fucked up groups? Need to update your SA account? Did we fuck up and nuke your forums account by mistake in a stoned stupor? Yup we can fix these things.
On the last episode I outlined the process for adding an alt using a manual form. Since then our Lord and Saviour Solo Drakban has implemented alt fucntions into the auth app. (Located at auth.goonfleet.com for our pants on head retarded viewers) As many of you have noticed THE FORM referenced in the previous auth post has been removed. There is no longer any need for it.
Next I'd like to touch on a few issues that I get frequently asked about
1. RETVET - This is probably the most common one since this feature went live. Many of you have tried to use this and were not successful. If you think you need to use retvet then you need to ask yourself two questions: #1: Do you have a working forums account? #2 Are, or were you a member of Goonfleet/Waffe? If the answer to both of these questions is yes, THEN DO NOT USE RETVET IT WILL NOT WORK AND DONT ASK ME WHY IT ISNT WORKING. Instead you should be adding an alt. No, I don't care that you're adding your main it makes no difference to me. Its a character, I push yes or no, end of story.
2. Alts - Covered above, but the form is gone everybody is expected to add alts into the system as necessary when they apply. Failure to do so will result in your app being rejected.
3. Why was my app rejected? - Because I hate you. Fuckoff. Apps are rejected for a few reasons which i'll outline starting from most common to least:
A: By far the most common. You fucked something up. You didn't add your API, you didn't check the box next to the character, your hambeast fingers plugged in the wrong information. Who knows exactly what it is, but more often than not you fucked something up. Go fix it before you reapply.
B: Your character has a hostile or otherwise questionable corp history. If you're an existing member adding an alt this isn't usually a problem because of character sales, etc. However on more than a few occasions new members have applied on characters with very, very solid hostile corp histories. Yes, I am looking at you dipshit who tried to sponsor a 5 year sturmgrenadier vet. You shouldn't have even gotten into Waffe, I was probably too high to notice your woefully underqulified SA account.
C: Your SA account wasn't accepted. Everyone knows the 3 Month/Active SA account "rule." What I would like to make clear is that this is a minimum guideline, and not a solid unflexible line in the sand. Further, the decision to approve or deny a new member based on SA account is a totally subjective decision on my part. If you apply on a 3 month 1 day old account with 170 posts and I reject you, don't point to the 3 month rule. I don't particularly like this, but its just the nature of this game. Also, this doesn't mean i'm going to look at your 10 year old SA account with a billion posts and subjectively reject you because i'm having a bad day, this is only for people who are on the fence such that I have to read through posting history and whatnot.
D: Least common, but it does happen. I fucked up. At this point everyone should know i'm perpetually stoned. This isn't to say i'm running over toddlers who are inexplicably riding tricycles through the McDonalds drive-thru, but it does mean that I might miss your characters name on the alts list. Also the accept and reject buttons are really close together and shit does happen. I may or may not notice. In this event, don't panic, check that everything on your side is correct and if it is, you may then PM me to find out if I fucked up or what.
To summarize: If your character is not on one of my lists, either the alts list or the new members list then you're getting rejected. DO NOT Simply just think you can apply and and sort it out later. Nothing drives me up a wall more than people who just apply because hey I keep track of every single person in our bazillion member corp.
4. Special Snowflakes: If you think you fall into this catagory you'd better be damn well sure. Anyone claiming to be a special snowflake that isn't will be set perma-dbrb-only. Are you a supercap pilot that needs help due to your flying coffin? I can help. Do you need a character pushed for a high level alliance function such as logistics or fleet PVP? I might be able to push your character right then. Things that are not special snowflakes: Your cyno alt. Your bot army (Unless you're elusif*)
Lastly I'd like to cover what NOT to do when dealing with the auth system/directors.
1. Do NOT send a PM, jabber, forums or otherwise asking me to auth your guy. Do your auth app stuff, put your guy in line, and wait. You will be processed when it is processed. God help you if you do this AND you fail to do your auth app stuff.
2. Do NOT send me a PM, jabber, forums or otherwise GRIPING about how we haven't processed your character. I can't believe I have to say this, but this is internet spaceships. I have a real life, other shit to do, and at any given time processing YOUR EVE GUY is roughly as important to me as when i'm going to take my next piss. This job is tedious enough as is without dealing with an overgrown manchild crying about his eveguy. If you are a new member doing this, you may find that all the sudden I'm much more subjective about your SA account than I might normally be. If you're an existing member you might find that your API was involved in a horrible auth accident and its now going to take 2 weeks for your auth go through. My tolerance for that bullshit is non-existent both in real life and internet spaceships.
3. Do NOT reapply if i've rejected you and you haven't figured out why. Its irritating to find someone constantly shitting up the auth line after having rejected them 5 times for the same reason. Sometimes these are people who have been scammed, and that shit is gonna happen. What i'm refering to here is existing members who don't add an API and just keep reapplying without changing anything. I rejected you for one of the reasons I outlined above. Figure it out, and fix it. If you bang your head against a wall 100 times its a pretty safe bet that number 101 isn't gonna be the magic number that proves quantum tunneling and sends your head through the wall leaving both your head and the wall unscathed. No you're just gonna split your skull open and give me a headache. Fuck you.
4. Do NOT use the newbee app if you already have a forums account. This will create you a new forums account which will draw the attention of Vio. I shouldn't have to say anything else.
5. Do NOT send email@example.com an e-mail unless its actually something I need to see. I don't need to know that you've applied on some random dude. If you've done your auth stuff you'll get processed. Also part of this is DO NOT ASK ME WHY I REJECTED YOU UNTIL YOU'VE READ EVERY GOD DAMN WORD OF THIS POST (twice) AND VERIFIED THAT YOU DID EVERYTHING CORRECTLY. If I reject you, then see a PM 8 seconds later asking why, the answer is going to be because you're a mouth breathing retard who lacks the most basic of troubleshooting skills. If you've double checked everything and can't figure it out then by all means ask away. If you're actually stupid then at least you're aware of it but please at least try to figure it out. Nobody is asking you to do calculus.
I believe thats all i've got for right now. As usual please make me aware of any technical issues you run into with the auth app (assuming you've tried whatever you're doing at least twice.) Again, the best method of raising these issue to the auth team is via e-mail at firstname.lastname@example.org
This public service announcement was brought to you by the letter Weed, for Weed Cobra.
1. We cannot delete an old account or remove old API information. Please see above about having more than one forums account.
2. We cannot fix, or stick you into any special group except for Goonfleet.
3. While we can unscrew any forums account to be set back to a regular member, it does strip all secondary access.
4. We CANNOT change your forums name, nor can anyone else stop asking.
Send an e-mail to email@example.com. Any e-mail should include a short, to the point description of the problem. It should also include the GF.com Forums name, SA Forums name, and the sponsor code if it applies to the situation.